a paper elephant

2012-01-11T13:44:00.000-08:00

Today Siah and I were sitting at the table while he enjoyed peanut butter and jelly as only kids can, reading a stack of books. He received this book for Christmas from my in-laws and I LOVE IT, especially since it is filled with brown people and non-anglo Jesus and the heart of God. We were reading about how the Bible is a story that sometimes people think is about rules or heroes or a nation, but how it's really a story about God and in the middle is a baby and that baby grew up to be the biggest hero ever, and I asked Si if he remembered baby Jesus from when we talked about him at Christmas time.

He said, "Dep, momma, dep. Yeah-Yeah love baby Jesus." (Yep, momma, yep. Siah loves baby Jesus)

I got choked so up and said, "Yeah Siah, momma loves baby Jesus too. And baby Jesus loves Siah." To which his eyes widened, and he said, "DEP!"

I have a fear of brain-washing my children with religiosity, when really I just want them to know the whole, beautiful truth and self of God. We tell the stories, we go to church, we practice life as the church, we focus on truth and love and grace in our parenting and as a family. But I know that true relationship is deeply personal, and I want to respect our children's own stories with God as they explore that. Never to have this.

When my small boy, who is just learning what it is to love someone or something ("Yeah-Yeah love hi-ho momma. Yeah-Yeah love pitates. Yeah-Yeah love Buzz.") shared an unprompted open heart about Him who I love most of all; I can't even explain. In that moment I understood what the difference was between the brain-washing and the genuine spirit. And I was humbled and overwhelmed and overjoyed and trying not to cry so that he would finish his apples while we read more stories. Language has enabled me to share this greatest love and hope and truth with him in a way that I never had been able to before.

A friend of mine reminds me that the kingdom of God comes through babies. Although I am not often able to unpack the whole of what that entails, today I was able to taste a wide and delicious slice of it. In a season of my life that has taken over my mind and soul, I very much needed to experience the washing over of the promise and spirit of God as He holds my family so much more expertly than I.

iphone photos for the week

2011-10-09T20:18:00.001-07:00

it's good to be home and creative with the small boy again.

run. ran. running.

2011-10-04T13:51:00.001-07:00

I bought a pair of ridiculous looking shoes and began to run. It took a long time to get over it all. The "it" being the healthy husband, the marathoning friends, the serious lack of lung health, the absolute distrust of my ability to find success in any sport-related activity, and not being able to ever find my sports bra.

The runners I know and love run for miles and miles and eat gels and train and race and track and time. I love them and their running love; it's why, after 5 years of supporting their gatoradey ways, I began -- and think I can actually follow through this time. I am not training for a race. I am not monitoring my speed/distance/calories. I am not ever having the expectation of doing this for more than 30-40 minutes at a time. My only goals are weight related. And it feels different. Maybe the endorphins? Maybe the opportunity to be in the wild by myself for a while? Maybe I am just in that expanding place and want to run in the trees alongside of Jesus and sometimes joey and sometimes siah and feel the physical free that my heart has returned to.

Yes, that sounds right.

from many thousands of feet above the desert

2011-10-01T00:03:00.001-07:00

Mostly I feel like looking out the window at the stream of broken lights and weeping. She is a shattered girl, collected in a tall glass with a lid that doesn't fit quite right. I am a shattered girl who is familiar to this feeling of having been spilled upon the kitchen floor, my important bits lost beneath the lip of the cupboard. I will be collected in the dustpan again, and reglued into the next manifestation of self. I will be whole and new again again again. So will she. Again again again.

flying back from utah

2011-09-29T15:48:00.001-07:00

there is a lot of tree cutting going on, originally uploaded by paperelephant.

home to the small boy

how i missed you so

my wee boy who

tumbles

and laughs

and

reads about whales

digging to a face of dust

tucked beneath

my chin

kicking kicking

kicking

my knees

home is so much more

of

you

minor toddler tragedies

2011-03-31T19:59:00.000-07:00

I just retraced our afternoon trip, scanning the curbs for a lost Leonardo. Drove obnoxiously slow, peering into the grass for a lime green, fuzzy monster. He went to bed a little bummed, but I am incapable of understanding loved creatures as anything less that secretly sentient. I blame the Velveteen Rabbit and an over-active imagination. I'm having Toy Story flashbacks. Thank the Lord for Amazon.

best nona

2011-01-30T15:04:00.000-08:00

favorite, favorite, favorite.

I am looking forward to many more days of this in my life.

no sleep for brooklyn

2011-01-06T13:29:00.000-08:00

I have a love/hate relationship with sleep. Always have. I've never slept well, even as a little girl. I have these sleep paralysis nightmares sometimes, more often if I'm stressed or really tired. I used to sleep on my back every night, but doing so increases your chances of having one, so I don't anymore. I miss it. Anyway, I've had insanely vivid dreams of aliens outside my window, of joey being murdered, of the house being robbed, etc with this sleep paralysis thing. Not fun.

Siah seems to have unfortunately inherited my propensity for messy sleep. It it isn't often he ever truly sleeps through the night (not that 5-hour baloney, LEGITIMATELY sleeping through and not having to be snuggled back to sleep at some point during the middle), which kills me, however sweet it can be. He seems to be getting a bit more on that trolley now (at 18 months), but we're still at a 60/40 sort of chance.

Naps used to be hell. there were always a few weeks during the 3 naps a day/2 naps a day season where he would sleep for a full 45 minute cycle (or even an hour and a half!!) for each one and we could have good, balanced days. But most days we would spend completely unable to find success with his daytime sleeping. Joey would call from school and my voice would be dead and flat. Trying to teach someone to sleep has been one of the most defeating experiences I've ever known. I had bought Healthy Sleep Habits, Healthy Child out of desperation when he was around 10 months old (I think -- honestly all I remember is exhaustion) and read it in 2 days. I'm not keen on many of his more severe implementations in the book, but the ideal schedule and needed sleep times were SO freeing for me. I was able to establish more of his routine, etc, etc, it changed our every days.

But then.

There is always a "but then."

I try not to live in mortal fear of them.

Morning naps were amazing, but afternoon naps were turning into the bloodiest of celebrity death matches. Misery all around! And because I am wonderfully brainless, I FORGOT TO REVISIT THE BOOK. It went on for months. MONTHS. Screaming, crying, fighting, holding for hours and hours and hours; the absolute destruction of our motivation and momentum of EVERY SINGLE DAY.

Here, I will interject: being a stay at home mom is awesome. I love it. Favorite job, Full, challenging, rewarding, hilarious and exhausting at every step. However, in order to keep finding success with pre-verbal children, you have to work your ass off at helping them find out how to be the best version of themselves in every situation. And they can't have a reasoning conversation with you, let alone a non-reasoning one where you just win Because You're The Mom. You have to capitalize on the momentum of the small successes you find in the morning to carry you through the afternoon. Momentum is key. At least for me.

So. When we'd have these "naps" of destruction, it would literally demolish our days. Walls reduced to rubble, blackened patch of smoking carpet where the crib used to be. Tiny tragedies of the every day. Finally, I remembered the book. I reread the appropriate section. I shifted a few things. I anticipated a 3 week process (my dear, wise mom friend always advises 2-4 weeks for life changes). It only took a week and a half. Afternoon naps only. Between 2 to 3 hours each day! GLORIOUS CELEBRATION ALL AROUND! THE HEAVENS REJOICED!

And it has lasted. It's amazing. Our world has shifted and there is great relief and success. Deep sighs of joy and gratitude for the eternal hope that the joy of the Lord can be found even within the dark recesses of a tired toddler's routine. The season is looking up.

*Also, the other night I thought I heard him climb out of his crib and pad down the hallway, come next to my side of the bed, giggle, and TRY TO YANK ME DOWN INTO THE DEPTHS OF HELL. I promptly woke up from a sleep paralysis episode FREAKED OUT OF MY MIND, praying that he never, never learns to hoist himself over those weak wooden bars.

ewoks are the best woks

2010-11-06T10:33:00.000-07:00

It's no secret that I come from a wide line of Star Wars-loving, sci-fi geeks. My torch does not burn nearly as brightly as others in my family, but; BUT, I took my long-standing desire to have my very own ewok out on my son for his second ever halloween. Probably the easiest costume I've ever made, and definitely my most favorite.

Leftover fur and curtains from when Joe was a jedi. Measured from overalls and a hoodie.

We took him downtown.

People were pretty stoked. Especially the guys.

But how could you not love this face?

So much fun.

Also, today's favorite creations from the internets. People are amazing.

hair

2010-10-19T13:25:00.000-07:00

one day, because i did not sleep, because someone is getting every single tooth at once, because i am too cheap, because i am afraid of looking like an anchorwoman, because i do not feel like doing the dishes or putting away laundry, because i need to drop some lbs, because i miss dying my hair, because my face is rather broken out, because the aunt is all the way in seattle, because it is all swiftly shifting,

i cut bangs.

rain and steps (of a few kinds)

2010-10-18T16:33:00.000-07:00

It rained for the first time all season yesterday. I love it. Joey does not. Oh the conflict of a desert rat and a northwest girl. We even made it to church for the first time in ages. Also, because I am an old lady, I slipped and fell all the way down my porch steps and broke a hip. Not really. Banged up my knee pretty badly though, and scared the sweet potatoes out of my small son (who I was not holding, thank you for your concern). Makes for some challenging "crawl around and chase after me like a monster" playing.

Right now I am trying to teach the very athletic child that blocks are for stacking and not for throwing, as his aim has become surprisingly direct, and I am concerned for our new and fancy tv. He knocked the phone off its perch this morning, narrowly missing the new (sort of) and fancy computer. Yeep. I like my wild boy quite a lot, destruction and all. The most fascinating and encouraging thing to me has been with the intentional and gentle discipline and correction that comes with teaching another person how to interact in society and community and life. He is (for such a little dude) genuinely responsive and has this sweet little nature and sincere desire to obey. Trying to support that and meet him in that way. I like this adventure most days.

haiku for the whelmed

2010-10-14T23:50:00.000-07:00

malted blue kitchen
enabled all of my life
almost bought a house

trying to be as
responsible as i can
finish paperwork

not doing too well
sleeping like a normal girl
adrenaline kills

a pink eyedropper
ibuprofen suspension
gums and crooked teeth

favorite

2010-10-14T01:14:00.000-07:00

mr. joshua bennett is remarkable and i love this.

as well as this.

when one is living out their created glory you can feel it across your skin.

reminiscing

2010-10-06T00:20:00.000-07:00

from an old journal i revisited tonight:

2.21.02

I am on my way to London, hopefully headed in the right direction. I got on the train to Malmô to find that I could go no farther than the entrance. It's crammed full of people. There is a family of sweet grandparents and three blonde, blue-eyed, lilting-voiced, young girls. An older girl is with them, lovely and beautiful in that European sort of way, but with kind eyes. That is not common. I am balancing on Elly's backpack with my toes against the wall in front of me. I understand the children. They're making a fort of scarves.

There are two thick army boys with their buzzed heads and hardened eyes. A gay man with a tight, black uniform and beautiful features squirms out of the bathroom. His eyes are fearful and tender and sad. I wonder what he has known. The wire waste-basket is above my knees, spilling out milk cartons and universal McDonald's cups leaking leftover coke. The little girls sing made up songs in the dancing language as the sun flashes into our cramped cabin. I feel God's tender heart.

I actually made it. To Malmô at least. How wonderful it will be to be among people who speak English again. As I was on the bus, watching the neighborhoods blink past in the dark sky, I thought I was in San Rafael again. How odd to forget you are on one side of the world. There is a man in gray, sagging around the edges with hair that is to young for him, flirting cockily with the information woman inside the glass box. His teeth are chipped in front as he smiles. I wonder if she finds them attractive.

feather head

2010-10-04T10:51:00.000-07:00

morning doodle inspired by the washing of a down mummy bag the mice got to... safety pins do not a patch make. wahoo for cleaning out a feathery washer drum!

on a side note, the man pad of the garage is pretty complete! and livable! for people who aren't afraid of sleeping bag-destroying rodentia!

also, september is finally over. life is slowly coming back. as long as we stop having 90-degree weather, i will survive. and my house will be clean. post-summer clean.

also, my dog is mostly blind. which is sad. she seems okay with it, though. as far as i can tell. siah loves on her quite excessively. now that he is ridiculously mobile and can throw nearly anything, they are getting along relatively well. sometimes there is a lull in the mania and we find ourselves with some sweet, rockwellian moments. sometimes...

for kit

2010-05-07T12:13:00.000-07:00

there are women in my world who have my heart as i have theirs. we exist through seasons and mountains and deserts and oceans. i would not survive my life nearly so well without them.

kit is moving to seize her life with the orff folk in austria for a year. this is so very, very good. and i will miss her quite a lot. made this for her the other night. because it is that sort of a season for her.

fluency

2010-03-16T22:47:00.000-07:00

I love this guy. Hilarious. Wonderful. So fabulous. I've always wanted my children to be fluent in a variety of languages, but have seriously dropped the ball regarding my own fluency. Makes it hard to teach the small one. We speak rudimentary spanish, veeerrrrryyyy basic asl, and... well... english. It's actually kind of sad for me. I wish our swedes lived closer than sweden, the arabic boy was across the street, and that my high school spanish teacher wasn't such a discouraging whack job. One of the reasons I wish we were in the city. Easier access to the multicultural life. However, I know that as he gets older, we can seek it out and immerse as much as possible. Just need to make sure that we actually do.

today

2010-03-15T21:38:00.000-07:00

I want:
hair like a twenties flapper
long enough naps for a full yoga session
to buy my house
a stress-free budget
to go to disneyland
my sister to visit
hiring to be complete
camp to come

I need:
to do the laundry
to clean the house
to drive to santa cruz and get siah's social security number so that i can do our taxes
to call my dad
to get my stroller from pleasanton
some serious excercise

notes from the day:
having a salad for lunch is voided by having nachos for dinner
small, shrieky men want to mash the keyboard instead of sit contentedly while you work
sunshine and time changes bring out so many more happy things than the exhaustion can conquer
oodles of old friends are pregnant and i want very much badly to love on them in person

2010-01-27T21:44:00.000-08:00

a. yes, i'm weak sauce at the posting right now.
excuses: sick, mastitis, non-napping baby, busted dryer, crazy weather, yada yada yada

b. fall collections are oozing their way out and it is so nice to see fashion turning around after last year's sad tribute to economic depression. as off her noodle as donatella versace is, i wish i was a man because the leather jackets (and almost every other one) are so tasty. and galliano is as surreal as dali, but those suits are delicious. as much as i abhor pastels and glittery foofness, i think the chanel haute couture collection is remarkably beautiful. favorite website presenting collections: project rungay, for so many reasons.

c. we are deep in the throes of Friday Night Lights. i never want to live in texas. i moderately dread my continued life as a coach's wife. high school is hilarious and terrible and i'm very glad it's over. i LOVE the wife. that is all.

d. i like my boy even though he's a whackadoo. especially because he's a whackadoo.

rice cereal

2010-01-05T22:25:00.000-08:00

apparently a success.

bookends

2010-01-04T23:30:00.000-08:00

We have these friends, you see, and I love them very much. We live in our house on purpose, as it fits snugly between the bookends of the most non-family family that we have. In all honesty, I am terrible at making friends. Not terrible at being friendly, which confuses most people. I am quite friendly. I was a church wife. It is a prerequisite. I can turn "on" and be engaging and charming and lovely and it is most often exhausting. Social settings that include more than 3 people generally make me hyperventilate and rehearse conversational topics in my head.

Anyway. Terrible. I am terrible at growing friendships; at taking the acquaintances to the next, knowing level. The friendships that I have have existed for many, many years. The ones I am trying to grow are slow. I like to believe that because of this weakness, there is a rooty richness to those which are present. Yes.

A few months ago one of our bookends burned down. It was horrible and tragic and terrifying and sad. And even though it is only a year that they are not right there, I have deeply missed the casualty of the every day ease of our friendship. It is hard enough to have pieces of them across the ocean for most of the year, but to have even our same-street ones far down at the beach is a slow, quiet drain on my heart.

Luckily, this isn't as depressing of a post as it has made itself out to be.

Last night we started the year the week the season with my most favorite and missed neighborhood ritual: Sunday Wine Nights. This one involved a minor trek to the temporary ocean-front beach house, but it was most worth it. There is beauty and security and peace found sitting amongst my most favorite grownups, sharing bottles of wine, and talking about family and life and Jesus while taking in winter sunsets. The way our year was starting, with the plague and messiness, I was disheartened. I needed last night. I needed the grounding warmth of those guys, the night of listening and talking and time, in order to walk into this year well. The bookends have expanded a bit for now, but roots of those relationships are growing deeper and farther into my earth. For this I am thankful. For them I am thankful.

2010-01-02T16:15:00.000-08:00

I am not one for goals. Not being a linear thinker, it has always been hard for me to track progress and find success in the steps. Also, I seem to find too much guilt in process, so I tend to avoid them altogether. But it's the new year. And I have a tiny son and family who'd like to know him and time and energy (hah) to explore wonderful and fascinating things. So here's to starting it well.

- blog 3-4 times per week (re: tiny son and fabulous items of fancy)
- walking with the tiny son (and whomever else would like to join us) 3 times each week
- drawing more. watercoloring illustrations. general and intentional creation. perhaps once a week to start?
- house is clean more often than not
- fresh bread every few weeks
- intentionally pursuing mom and non-mom relationships
- visit the library 1-2 times per month
- complete the following books this year:
- Christ Plays in Ten Thousand Places
- Jesus Before Christianity
- Infinite Jest
(and fill in the blanks with the oodles of new fiction/etc. I've unintentionally accumulated in the last few months; i.e. Christy, The Hiding Place, Naked, Dress Your Family in Corduroy and Denim, miscellany Discworld, Teacher Man, Roverandom, Til We Have Faces, The Time Traveler's Wife.... you get the picture)
- make it to church more often than not
- be creative and financially efficient with meals
- wine nights with neighbors
- communicating more regularly with the girls and family
- creative and cheap date nights

That's all I have. My brain is being overtaken by my nauseous and slowly recovering self, as the family decided to kick off the year with the most horrific stomach flu I've ever seen. Seriously. Lost five pounds in one night. Great beginning for the post-baby body plan. Hah.

Also, thanks to my ridiculously awesome photographer brother, Michael Chiaravalle, for the lovely family photo.

still pregnant

2009-05-06T23:27:00.000-07:00

I am still pregnant and alive. my camera broke and that severely limits my visual blogging abilities. plus i am a non-communicative nerd. i apologize. (deep bow)

so for the speedy update, we're doing GREAT!!! apparently pregnancy is the one health-related thing that my body has decided to do well. which is ridiculously awesome. all of my blood work looks like that of a normal, healthy person! woo-hoo! hopefully it will last.

he moves quite a lot. it's beginning to slow down, now that he's running out of space, but often it feels like he has his own little yoga studio in my belly. apparently he enjoys listening to joey play music and kicking me in the bladder. also the beatles.

the doctor is happy with all sides of he and i; she said we could gain as much weight as we wanted to now. ha. i've never eaten so much in my life. joey is becoming quite the cook, and i've never loved cheerios so much. the acid reflux had gotten so bad that my esophagus was burned (literally!), but zantac is a miracle drug and has changed my life. it's nice to be able to breathe and sleep at the same time.

sorry it's so brief, sorry for the long wait, but i'm back and off to bed. trying to save up sleep for when it comes no more.

popping

2009-01-22T21:16:00.000-08:00

I got into bed the other night and Joey said, "Wow, you're really starting to get a belly there!" Being the good-natured pregnant woman that I am, I laughed, "Ha-ha-ha!"

Ha.

I'm only up 3 pounds or so, but MAN it seems like more. It's popping out. Especially at night. Oh the joy.

Also, apparently during pregnancy if you don't have an immune system (due to your gastrointestinal auto-immune disease), you become a walking petri dish. Got any spare germs? Send 'em my way! We've got a party going on in my sinuses! All night long! BYO Kleenex! Fun.

Braxton-Hicks have started already. Odd and only occasionally disconcerting. Upside: women who have more BH earlier tend to have shorter labors! Woo-hoo! I'm still being really careful. My doctor was very clear last time we went (Good solid heartbeat! Sweet!), so I'm being good.

Anyway, here's what we've all been waiting for:

Up

2009-01-12T21:51:00.000-08:00

Today I slept in until noon.

This is not uncommon for me on days off. It is disgustingly indulgent and I will continue for as long as possible because I have a feeling that the nugget will not be quite as content with seriously extended snuggling as the monster dog is.

I explained to Joey that I don't actually SLEEP until so late, but that I generally lie in bed and daydream for a good hour or more. He laughed at me. Hard.

I gave him a Stern Face.

He hid his Cracking Up Face and played some very loud Irish Punk in my direction.

I like our relationship.

Also, we spent Sunday evening being exhausted, eating chili, and watching Pixar movies.

This is a big plus for me. I've found that pregnancy has really... err... "heightened" my emotional senses. Which has leaned farther and farther toward the bizarre end of things for a Girl Who Is Severely Controlling Of Her Emotional Self. Luckily, the Navy Blues have really been helped by fantastic computer animation and John Lasseter's passion for excellence. Truth and innocence are safe retreats for me. I think they are for most of us.

Anyway, I wanted to leave you all with the next great offering from the love child of George Lucas and Mickey Mouse, Up. Because secretly inside we all believe that it's possible for even me.

and now we're on display

2009-01-06T22:31:00.000-08:00

Hello 2009! We're back from the cold north, which wasn't too bad, actually. It was fabulous to visit mi familia, even though most of them were/ended up with the Flu of Death. Seriously, Laura puked 12 times, Bill passed out twice, Wil and Kristen had to spend the day in airplane/airport bathrooms, Claire had to spend the day in bed, and Joey had to take a day off from work (which NEVER happens). Yeep! I had the "nastiness" with none of the puking, luckily. Other than the last weekend, it was a lovely, quiet Christmas. Surprise visit from my dad (the first time in our ENTIRE marriage of 5.5 years) and Joey actually vacationed while on vacation. Many movies and chocolates and good times with old friends. Nice.

Due to much peer pressure and "be a normal preggo girl" guilt, I'm going to try and take pictures of my growing belly. Body image issues be gone! Or at least be vanquished to the closet for a little bit! Actually, as I was trying to take a relatively flattering picture of my least-confident part of myself, I found myself excited about this preggo body for the first time ever. Really. So far I've just felt bloated and awkward, but it's beginning -- just beginning -- to look like there might be a 4 inch nugget rolling around in there, pushing my intestines and lumpiness out for all to see. Which is fun. Really. We're having a good time, this nugget and joey and me. Also, Christmas Bella Bands help a LOT.

So here is me and the Great Unborn. Doing well. Tooling around. Tolerating each other's space pretty well.

merry christmas eve

2008-12-24T16:07:00.000-08:00

Due to the... ahem... craziness of our Christmas season this year, we completely forgot to put up lights. Tragedy. As an apology to the general Christmas community, I thought I could apologize by sharing the following video. Watch it all the way through. And turn up the volume. Trust me, it's worth it. And props to Randy for sharing it with me in the first place. Merry Christmas Eve, y'all.

news

2008-12-19T21:32:00.000-08:00

Greetings to all from the great blogging desert. It's been a rather eventful fall here in our cabin in the woods.

Brief update:

1. eyeballs are better. thank you steroids.
2. cruised to mexico for an anniversary celebration with awesome married friends. ensenada was better than anticipated. wish i lived closer to several of my favorite people.
3. dashed up to oregon to celebrate becca's ordination. such a beautiful thing to be a part of. even cried a little bit. wish several of my favorite people lived closer to me.
4. reconnected with a wonderful old friend. she came to visit and we had a smashing time. i love how stories change and grow, but the deep inside heart remains so connected.
5. had a fabulous black and white halloween party (i'll post pics later). there is nothing as cute as little white pumpkins in zorro masks.
6. was brave and tried out for our church's christmas play. got a part. began practicing a lot.
7. familia came to visit for thanksgiving. i love them. i miss them. kit's lemon meringue pie is to die for. seriously.
8. had a play. it ended up wonderfully. played a pregnant college student trying to figure out if she wants to place the baby for adoption or not, ends up giving birth onstage (on an airplane). surprisingly funny, quite subtle, very original. i like my creative community.
9. have been a little sick. but it's all good...

...because I'm pregnant.

Surprise! Certainly was for us! You know, since I'm not technically able to get pregnant and all. Hah. We found out October 28th and Joey made me secretly virgin drinks at the halloween party. I endured months of "when you're preggo" comments throughout play practice and suspecting looks from a few friends. We're really excited, especially since the scary part has passed. We are SO appreciative to those who've been praying, and would like to invite the rest of you to please join in. I'm considered "high risk" for a variety of reasons, so we can really use it. I had my 3rd ultrasound yesterday, and the Nugget is looking great. Arms, legs, fingers, heartbeat, I could even see its nose! It's pretty cool that it's started looking like an actual human being. It's due on July 5th, but since it's Joey's baby, I'd be surprised if it didn't come on the Fourth. Because of America and everything.

I am now joining the ridiculous number of people I know who are pregnant right now. Which is fun.

So there you go. Consider yourselves updated.

ahoy

2008-09-26T18:51:00.001-07:00

So I've been having some frustration with my right eye for the last week and a half. You know, red, puffy, extremely painful, overly sensitive to all kinds of light. Fun stuff. I changed my contact, wore my glasses, etc. Didn't go away. Bah. Joey convinced me to let him take me to the doctor after I spent the day wearing Ray-Ban knock-offs at work and grimacing each time I walked outside. After thorough dye-and-wash job, I found another fun side effect of my intestinal pal. Iritis. Woo-hoo for steroid drops and piracy!

dinosaurs

2008-09-19T21:18:00.000-07:00

It is not a secret that I love dinosaurs. Not just, "Hey those giant dead lizards are pretty cool," but "Hey, seeing Sue the T-Rex at the Natural HIstory Museum made me flip my lid at 16." I really, really love these guys. Have since my friend Marissa in first grade (who had glasses and a birthday on Saint Patrick's Day) had a dinosaur sleepover party. Awesome. Especially for a 7 year-old girl. A stegosaurus would kick the tiny plastic ass of any My Little Pony. My personal favorite growing up: the Brachiosaurus. He's like the Blue Whale of dinosaurs (also a favorite), even though he's now known to not be the biggest. Also, he's from Colorado. Which is where many cool things hang out, at least for a while.

Anyway.

While digigng around in some boxes the other day, I found a collection of stories I wrote around 2nd grade. Here's one of my favorites. Verbatim. Just in case you think my first grade self is almost as fab as I think she is. Note my long-lived love of Taco Bell (curse you colitis!).

If I Saw A Stegosaurus
As I was walking down a hilll on Sunday, I saw a Stegasauras. It was fat and purpple. I named it Gina. She was nice. I brought her home with me. She had a baby. It was very cute. So we named it Cris. His favorite food is taco supreme.

The picture accompanying this lovely tale was my own illustration. I'd like to send a shout out of thanks to my mum for saving all of this wonderful what-not, and to all the archeologists of the land for encouraging my love of the pre-Barney purple dinosaur.

here begins the deep

2008-09-16T17:22:00.000-07:00

I have begun the deep clean of the house. Because of how my brain works and actually having a job, this project takes place over several days and is mostly done at night. Also, because I am a procrastinator, my spring cleaning happens in September. Of course. I am EXCITED to show you pictures when it is done! Which is not yet!

So I am instead going to show you pictures of the creatures who have spent the last two and a half days laying on their bellies in the living room and very little else.

Bella and Moses: the Monochromatic Odd Couple.

*for clarification: Moses is my friend Andrea's rescue dog. A big ol' special needs labradoodle who spent a few nights with us while she was away for work. He is sweet and fun and friends with Bella.

visual update

2008-09-14T11:58:00.000-07:00

Since I abandoned the blog for most of the summer I thought it would be nice to have a visual update of the Fun Times In The Life Of H. You can always see the oodles of other photos I've taken here, but these are a few of my editorial favorites.

Kit completed here second marathon in one year. We cheered and made signs. She is amazing.

Went down south to see the family and Mickey Mouse. Happy birthday mum, hallo to Mickey, beach family is neat.

Ransom women (Great Aunt Evangeline, Susan, and Grandma Esther) are incredible. And some of my favorites. Maybe someday I can be that remarkable.

Nephew number two made it into the world! Huge and Handsome and Hairy! Chris thought he looked most like Joe. Hah.

My Uncle Bernie is ridiculously talented and we got to be reminded of it a fabulous winery show with favorite friends Dave and Leslie. Thank you thank you thank you.

Good friends got engaged! Woo-hoo for the man side of the 12! We are seriously wrangling the most awesome husbands. Anyone who feels that The Get-Up Kids' farewell show is a life-priority is dang good in my book.

Middle brother came to visit! Surprise afternoon! Scootering and sweet potato fries! Climbing stump trees!

He brought the amazing, red-headed girl! Cute and woodsy! Smart and fun!

The monster dog is a little high-maintenance right now. Chewing bald spots. Being barky. Missing her camp kids. Also pictured, Joey's new 57 GMC truck. More on that later.

Painted for wonderful becoming-friends Jack and Nancy. I am excited about next summer just for a dinner with them.

Last night we were invited to a small dinner party with another set of becoming-friends who are just incredible. We celebrated their dying oak tree and talked about communal living and art and ethical photography and being brave and smelled old books. This part of the year is my most favorite.

dr. horrible

2008-09-11T16:11:00.000-07:00

I am a nerd. We all know this to be true. I am quite a lover of all things superhero, Tolkein, British, and awkwardly hilarious. Also musicals. And mocumentaries. So this greatly watered my humorous, nerdy self. I even laughed out loud a few times. Which is a big deal for me and tv.

Doogie Howser + Mal + campy musical hits = Great Joy In My Soul

It may be quite late, but please, enjoy.

self

2008-09-09T23:37:00.001-07:00

I am: a moderate I with severe NFP
I think: about scientific theories often
I know: how to build an excellent fire
I want: to be able to sleep
I have: an active imagination
I wish: for the same thing that I have since I was 15
I hate: evil
I miss: my mum
I fear: darkness and indifference
I feel: awkward often
I hear: really loud deer that sound like sasquatch
I smell: my stinky dog. seriously, she is like walter.
I crave: chocolate. chocolate. chocolate. chocolate. chocolate.
I search: for movie synopsis (synopsi? synopsises?) on wikipedia
I wonder: where my slippers are
I regret: not doing laundry earlier today
I love: jesus
I ache: in my hips
I care: most of the time
I always: want to stay in bed
I am not: as awkward as I feel
I believe: in the glory of God
I sing: mostly off-key
I dance: in the kitchen
I cry: in fervent spurts
I don’t always: put away my laundry
I fight: with jesus
I write: as I speak
I never: cheat
I listen: to npr
I need: to sleep for weeks
I am happy: I really am.

courtesy of my mum and kristen and I'm sure someone else... :o)

not dead or illiterate

2008-08-17T14:17:00.000-07:00

Still here. Trying to upload the thousands of pictures of the whatnot that is our summer life. They will come... promise.

fit is go

2008-07-09T20:23:00.000-07:00

Much to the joy of... well... everyone in my life, we have finally bought a new car. With air conditioning. And power windows. And airbags. It is awesome and black and a Honda Fit. Joey tried to do this great finagling scheme that his brother does, and it would have worked wonderfully if we weren't buying a car that everyone and their mother wants right now. So we went through Costco instead and saved a small chunk o' change. Wahoo for family businesses that lovingly retain you on their Costco membership. We needed something that wrestling a child into and out of would not cause severe neck trauma (although we apparently have chiropractic coverage with Joey's new health plan -- wahoo!); and that would not break down anytime I drove it alone without a cell phone (the Jeep really has it in for me). We can only praise God for continuing to provide for us and place encouraging and supportive people in our lives. And so... drumroll please...

The Fit. It still needs a name.

Also, tonight was the first night in a while that we were able to sneak a couple of quiet hours just for ourselves (and I mean two) to have dinner and work on projects before the busy evening takes off. We've been eating all of our meals outside on the back patio because it's just so lovely, and grilling most of them because it is too stinking hot in the house. Our post dinner activities: Joey catching up with his Pops and me catching up on my Garrison Keillor while working on a new Sunday School promo for the church (a very awesome, inter-generational, story/Jesus-based sharing time).

Welp, I have to run down to camp to lead a small family group, then it's back up here for a Day Camp Boys hair-dying party. Fun fun fun. Someday I may be able to do my own laundry, but I might be getting a little to eager. Hah!

Mostly Good, Some Required

2008-07-07T01:44:00.000-07:00

For you: a pictorial history of the last few weeks.

Nephew Number Two (soon to be Kaden the First) is on the way. I flew down to the desert and saw The Other Family who I adore.

The peas are growing better than anything else. I eat them every day as I walk past. We shelled some a few nights ago and mixed it in with organic white chedder macaroni and it was delicious. Would have been better with panchetta though. Next time.

Camp is back, along with some wonderful, wonderful girls. Nova and the Gidge are mine this summer and it makes me happy in my bones.

The littlest brother has graduated. He is smart and funny and responsible and has taken care of so much more than he even is aware of right now. It will be years until he realizes how remarkable he truly is. I love him quite a lot and am so very proud of him.

This is the Man Wing of the Hansen clan in all its honesty. We celebrated the smallest one.

Sophocles the Snail has passed away. He was a shy snail. Quiet, but friendly and sweet. I am sad to see him go.

I've been teaching loads of Red Cross First Aid/CPR classes to the camping folks. The mannequins are creepy, but you realize that plastic lungs and foam faces are maybe not so bad. And it's fun to show cheesy videos full of random acronyms and carefully placed joviality.

These are the books I'm reading. Mostly good, some required. There is a theme to many of them... which brings forth our fun news. We've begun the process of adopting from Ethiopia. It's a year to two year long process, and we're about 1 1/2 months into it. Very exciting, very time-consuming, very challenging, and very much a God thing.

We are happy. We are tired. It's all good.

of mums and days that start with s

2008-05-13T23:24:00.000-07:00

My mum is one of the most remarkable people I know. I flew up to Oregon a few weekends ago to surprise her and to get some much needed face time. There are few people in my world that I can have conversations free of qualifiers with, and she is one of them. She is honest and real and raw and so very beautiful. I have always know that we belong to one another, in that very unique young mother and daughter way; and it is her that I will always call first with my wonderful terrible world-changing news. Obviously I adore her.

Part of why I haven't been posting lately is because I cannot seem to find the charger for my camera. Which means no pictures. Which is quite crippling for a visualist such as myself. Bah is what I say to this.

Important things which have been going on:

Girls Weekend '06: Favorite people, good wine, wonderful food, rich conversation. God is faithful and brings much hope. We are messy and beautiful. I will continue to burn at the beach because I am a white-assed americana. These are all good things. I created are invitations for this year's weekend as you can see here:

Yuba: Went to see Chafer and Roxanne and our favorite un-niece and nephew. There is something so wonderful and peaceful about being with people who know you quite well and are just, well, EASY. Settlers of Cattan and dark beer with pretzels and chocolate chips are soothing on so many levels. Even when the childcare ladies at Ikea are a less than comforting.

Memorial Day: The backyard is now freaking AWESOME. Seriously. You should be sad that you weren't over for the meaty barbecue and strawberry shortcake celebration that took place after a day of hard labor. I wish my camera had a magic battery so that I could share. Don't worry, pictures will come. Along with the s-l-o-w-l-e-y growing grass.

Now I am going to sleep. Because I have way to much laundry to fold to finish my clean house project. Hope you had a lovely long weekend!

right now

2008-05-07T20:25:00.000-07:00

1. I lopped off my hair. Like a bunny.

2. I've been on a lot of drugs. Not like a bunny.

3. All of my organs are the right size and are relatively in the right place. This is good news.

4. There is a ping-pong ball sized alien chewing on my ovary. We're hoping he just goes away since he's been beaten into submission by the aforementioned barrage of drugs. It isn't as scary as it sounds. Well, maybe it is for him.

5. But I still get to live here.

si se puede.

2008-04-27T00:43:00.000-07:00

this is beautiful to me.

oi.

2008-04-23T22:24:00.000-07:00

Tonight I made a lemon meringue pie for one of our best friends. I learned the following:

1. Trader Joe's Pre-Made Crusts pre-made for crappy-ness. The first one shrunk. SHRUNK!!! And the second one lost its lips. Yeep.

2. Boiling sugar goop is hot.

3. Sealing the baggie you are using to "frost" the pie with is kind of important.

4. So is setting the timer.

5. And remembering to pre-heat the oven.

6. When you are short, it is wise to use a stool to put away heavy jars of vanilla. Or to move the pie out from under the fall-pattern.

7. I should have added some lavender.

Sheesh. I hope it's still a little delicious.

one hundred

2008-04-16T22:33:00.000-07:00

There are so many things I have to blog about right now, so many pictures to load, etc. So instead of doing that and telling you all about the wonderful awkwardness that is my actual life, I'm going to share one hundred random things about myself with you. Enjoy.

1. I haven't had my actual, natural hair color since I was 15.
2. I know what it used to be, but I'm not sure if it's even that color any more.
3. That color was a muddy, dishwater blonde.
4. Ten years ago.
5. I had my first perm in first grade.
6. Also in grades 3, 5, and 7.
7. It was never really a good look.
8. But I come from a long line of hair-dressing aunts.
9. We call them the amazon women.
10. I did not inherit any of the Danish height from that side of the family.
11. I am 5'3".
12. But at my last physical I measured 5' 2 1/2".
13. It was a dark day.
14. I tend to bake in the middle of the night.
15. Sleep has always been elusive.
16. So I read.
17. And re-read.
18. I do not brush my teeth before bed.
19. I hate taking showers.
20. Mostly because of everything you have to do afterwards.
21. And I'm really lazy.
22. I am mildly afraid of cows.
23. The lowing scares the crap out of me.
24. I am not opposed to other domestic animals.
25. I like the Simpsons.
26. Lisa is my favorite.
27. I have an unhealthy attachment to my laptop.
28. Raw almonds with raisins are my favorite snack.
29. Also with pretzels and chocolate chips.
30. There are usually 2 giant cups of water next to my bed.
31. They each have about an inch of water in them.
32. I sleep on my back.
33. With my face exactly half-covered by at least a sheet.
34. I am afraid of the dark.
35. Mostly.
36. My favorite color is orange.
37. My favorite number is 4.
38. I have a tattoo.
39. It isn't small.
40. I don't enjoy shopping.
41. Because I'm cheap.
42. Mostly.
43. I have 6 pairs of red shoes.
44. I have 5 pairs of shoes that I hold onto for sentimental reasons.
45. I haven't worn them in years.
46. They're they only thing I haven't been able to donate to the goodwill.
47. Other than the purple dress and blue sweater.
48. I resent commercials.
49. I love the smell of ocean fog.
50. I cannot tie a tie.
51. My favorite poet in 4th grade was Langston Hughes.
52. I am a pisces.
53. I am married to a pisces.
54. I have no idea what that's supposed to mean in our astrological universe.
55. Maybe our babies will smell fishy.
56. I am currently watching Monty Python and the Holy Grail.
57. It ranks somewhere in the mid-teens in my Lifetime Top Twenty Favorite Movies list.
58. I do not know how to barbecue.
59. My first car was a Dodge Shadow.
60. It was Superman themed.
61. I now have a Hyundai accent.
62. It is theme free.
63. I have spent significant time in 5-ish countries.
64. I hate checking my voicemail.
65. I forget that we have an answering machine.
66. Sort of.
67. I can shoot a gun.
68, And swing dance.
69. But not at the same time.
70. Well, maybe.
71. I've never actually tried.
72. I love children's literature.
73. My favorite book is "The Little Prince" by Antoine de Saint-Exupery.
74. It is full of beautiful, quiet truth.
75. Much like "The Alchemist."
76. I have 12 scars on the back of my right hand.
77. They are mostly miscellaneous burns and old chicken pox scars.
78. Ewwww.
79. I rarely paint my nails.
80. I love to do event make-up and hair as a gift for people.
81. If I wasn't such a chicken I'd paint more pieces as gifts for people.
82. If I wasn't such a chicken I'd spend a lot more time creating.
83. I need to stop being a chicken.
84. Speaking of chickens.
85. I only like to eat cage free eggs.
86. Because I figure they're less stressed out and therefor less toxic than the other chickens.
87. I'd like to have chickens.
88. But I'd rather have my neighbors be my friends still.
89. I have the greatest neighbors in the world.
90. They are family.
91. We borrow eggs from each other.
92. I am excited about our vegetable garden.
93. I am also very skeptical of it.
94. I don't want to get my hopes up.
95. See, I really love vegetables.
96. And I am really, really cheap.
97. And I try to be "green."
98. But I have a black thumb.
99. Carrots have always been my favorite vegetable.
100. I ate them with ketchup when I was little.

Way to go if you made it this far! Hope you're all have a fabulous day and that you have been duly distracted from your actual life. Love, love!

second response

2008-03-29T01:24:00.000-07:00

So the lab tests have already been done. Apparently they'll become a normal part of my Hi-Nice-To-See-You-Every-Six-Months-Let's-Chat-About-Your-Colon-And-Puncture-That-Meatloaf-You-Call-A-Forearm visit. Unfortunately they couldn't give me the results yet... only my doctor can... which isn't really that reassuring.

Hah.

As you may be able to tell I've become a bit punchy about the joy of my healthcare. Trust me, I have a great doctor. And we have great insurance, thanks to the state of California. However, being 25 and kind of a hippie, I am really new to EVERY SINGLE PART of this whole she-bang that has become my gastroenterogical life. And the nurses are kind of mean. And I look 17, which has never helped. So getting frightening letters out of the blue with the words HEPATIC LIVR and other intimidating, all-caps, unintelligible phrases on it is a little much for me.

But it's all good. Not in the "I'm-dismissing-this-because-doing-taxes-is-just-more-important-and-legally-relevant-right-now" sort of way, but in the "This actually matters to me, but I'm walking through it well and trying to maintain my sense of humor, even though I occasionally call my mom freaking out" sort of way. I'm doing fine, health-wise. I'm doing much better emotionally. And I'm looking forward to the day when I can pop a pill instead of the lovely topical treatment we're doing now. Oy.

The good thing: I still get to live. My actual life. Which I really love. Along with Jesus. And Joey. And all that makes me pretty happy.

first response

2008-03-27T01:05:00.000-07:00

I just found out that I have 6 blood tests which need to be done. I don't know why.

Shit.

hello there

2008-03-17T23:04:00.000-07:00

SO it has been an absurdly long time since I've posted, and I haven't any sort of really legitimate reason why I've been absent from the 'ol blogosphere. It's been a rough sort of month for a variety of reasons, mostly having to do with an old, blue moldyness that wrestles with my heart. But it's all good. Here is a story of the last few weeks:

Joey turned 28, which is a very grownup age to become. We celebrated his actual birthDAY with a quiet dinner at BJ's. He was actually much happier than he looks in this particular picture.

I cook things in the kitchen and end up using half a lemon. All the time. But my lemony things are spaced far enough apart to render the unused half useless. Sort of. So I started cleaning my cutting boards with a lemony swipe after using them for a garlic or onion-ey sort of purpose. It helps.

We go to RAW, which stands for Real Authentic Worship, each Sunday night at 7 pm. It is quite and small and Joey leads music and sometimes I read a passage or poetry and we spend a purposed hour with Jesus, which is nice.

I've been sharing a lot of Pablo Neruda lately with the RAW folks. Joey gave me the Captain's Verses when we were first dating and I've loved him ever since (Pablo and Joey).

Bill turned 50. My mum had an amazing surprise party for him, full of good wine, incredible food, and really special encouragement and honoring. Seriously incredible.

Her cooking instructor/friend/folks they're going to Italy with catered and made the most delicious meal. Authentic, rustic Tuscan. Oy. The gnocci were deep and earthy and full of imported porccini mushrooms... and the cave cheese... heavenly.

My mum and I had a fabulous time together (with the greatest aunt and the husbands). I didn't realize how much I needed just to be with her (and all of them). She is amazing and beautiful and I love her quite a lot more than she even thinks possible.

Joey got a special brew from the Deschutes Brewery for our pubby birthday bash (celebrating he + mark + myself) that is deep and heavy and amazing. I forgot to take pictures at our party (ridiculous, I know), so this is the stand in.

You are nearly up to date on our world. And I need to go to bed. So. Back in the saddle I am. To bad I was never an overly "horsey" sort of girl. Ah well. The fun stuff will be coming soon. For now, it's g'night.

my life is a nice life

2008-02-24T21:32:00.000-08:00

I love our church. It's in this beautiful, old building and is warm and earthy and artsy. Last weekend we walked through Passover and the Last Supper with the president of Jews for Jesus, and it was wonderful and rich and full of deep Jewish history. I loved it. For the first time in my life, we're going to a Sedar at some friends' house and I'm so excited. Understanding the purpose and history behind anything that we choose to do is essential to me, and it was so wonderful to go so much deeper with this.

It was gorgeous last weekend, so we had a freezing beach barbecue at the beach with some friends. Joey = steak wrapped in bacon (yeep), me = chicken apple sausage; asparagus with orange = everyone. Wonderful.

Here are some random images from my life this last week:

The last one is the herb chicken I roasted for Valentines day for Joey. It was so yummy! Old school chicken makes me happy and domestic. I'll post the recipe sometime on our food blog.

Anyway, I hope you're having a fabulous day!

garage

2008-02-19T19:05:00.000-08:00

We have a fabulous little cabin in the woods that I love very much. One of my favorite new parts of it is our garage; which we recently cleaned and organized within an inch of its very old life. This is our new studio space. To which we proudly give a hearty "wahoo!!" It is a hundred million times easier to create when there is a space in which to do so.

This is the beginning of my inspiration board. It makes me happy in my bones.

Piles of paint now have a place to live.

Baskets of organized fabric are so wonderful.

During the creative process, the disaster takes over. And yes, that's Harry Potter on the laptop. My coolness is overwhelming.

I'm excited to see what this new space brings! Hope you all are well!

Heart!

happy heart

2008-02-14T18:42:00.000-08:00

As my lovey-chicken roasts away and my darling husband does the dishes, i wanted to wish you all a happy valentine's day. I'm not much for over commercialization, but I do love having a day that is just special for telling people that you love them. I hope you are loving and being loved today!

UPDATE: So many people asked for the recipe for these Peanut Butter Chocolate Chunk Cookies that I posted it here. Enjoy!

once

2008-02-09T00:00:00.000-08:00

My mum came back from mexico and remeinded me of a movie I'd wanted to see last summer, but never got around to. I bumped it up on the Netflix and had a fabulous cheap date tonight with my favorite husband. We made barbecue chicken pizza with salad and shared a bottle of wine while kicked back in front of the fireplace, watching Once. I was teary in the first 15 minutes. Just because it's beautiful. So very beautiful. It made me miss Europe in a way that I hadn't ever before. I can always tell that I'm really adoring a film when I want to be living in the everydays of the characters; and I so wanted to in this one. We bought the soundtrack immediatly after (thanks Chris and Kee!) and have listened to it straight through twice in the last two hours. So delicious. Please, please be advised to enjoy. Other than a very UK overusage of the F-word, there is absolutely nothing uncomfortable about this film. It will bring a softness to your soul that you've been sorely missing all week. Do enjoy.

loose raisins

2008-02-07T15:48:00.000-08:00

I have been trying to be a grownup this afternoon and figure out how to deal with insurance messiness when we've moved too many times to remember where the packet is. Because it is a gorgeous day, I sat on the porch with celery and rice cakes and peanut butter and raisins and decided to be happy instead of moldy and blue while I worked. Then I took some pictures. Which made it all a zillion times better.

Bella played over-the-railing fetch with me while we aired out the house.

These are my favorite shoes. They are falling to pieces because I wear them nearly every day, but I think it makes them that much more wonderful.

Also, yesterday was a perfect mathematical sentence! Hooray! We've only 7 of them this year, so enjoy them while they last!

sad california

2008-02-06T00:08:00.000-08:00

Ii really shouldn't snuff the post I just wrote below, but I'm sad that the rest of California doesn't agree with me politically. I have such a love-hate relationship with this state; it really shouldn't come as a surprise. Bah. My stomach is all knotty for the next four years. I'm sorry Mr. Obama. I did the best I could. Here's to hoping for a dramatic surprise.

potatoes and puddles

2008-02-05T23:18:00.001-08:00

This is the corner of my kitchen window. It tends to fill up with miscellany herbs and lemons and other happy, cookery things.

It's been dark and cold and stormy here for the last few weeks, which is my favorite winter-time weather. I think growing up in the bay area does that to you. We've been trying to stay home on the weekends; working on projects and being cozy. This translates often into soups and stews with simple salads and crusty bread for dinner, which I love, but Joey is getting a little tired of. This was a potato-carrot-corn chowder I made up one night. Oh the joy of the leftover vegetables.

We had a particularly gnarly storm this weekend. Kit and Joey were antsy with cabin fever, so we decided our only option was to go puddle jumping. At ten o'clock at night. During the storm. Geniuses be we. After harassing Mark into coming along, we galoshed our way to the Rec Field, splashing and laughing our heads off. Joey was not as excited, walking about with his umbrella; but Kit and I did a bit of free-form slip n' sliding (sans slide) and puddle-angel making in the mud. Fabulous. You may not be able to tell, but this is the Kit-O prepping for a massive jump.

See the darkness on their sweatshirts? That's from the rain. Pre-Slip n' Slide. Pre-anything else. Just from walking. Sheesh.

Me with some red, red knees. Sliding on soaked grass is quite similar to sliding on dry carpet, surprisingly.

I'll leave you with one of the favorite moments of the weekend. Joey wrote a new song (all folky and swingy, yay!) it the new space (which will be posted about in a few days). It needed a harmonica. Unfortunately neither Kit nor I are nearly as talented as Nate, who is far off being a grownup in Indiana. So Joey made do. And played both parts at the same time so that we girls could laugh and laugh at my ridiculously gifted boy. I enjoy my family quite a bit. We are fun. And I think we'll always be.

Have a jolly day old friends!

favorite things

2008-01-30T22:07:00.000-08:00

Bowls of fruit. Lemons, persimmons, oranges, you name it. They are so lovely to me.

Douglas adams. I've listened to this book zillions of times and it never gets old. I need to get the rest of them. My heart runs deep with nerdiness.

This is on my fridge. Joey and I realized one day that he is Charlie Brown and I am Linus. On almost every level. It is good that we have each other.

Hope you're week is full of much more sleep than mine has been. Three cheers to re-establishing homeostasis!

carlsbad was conquered

2008-01-27T20:22:00.000-08:00

Last weekend Joey, Kit, and Mark culminated 5 months of training and ran 26.2 miles in Carlsbad, CA. The four of us made a wonderful long weekend of it, spending hours listening to Jim Gaffigan, rocking out to Mariah Carey, and dissecting the nuances of middle school relationships and Jesus. We're fun like that.

We stayed with Kit's aunt, uncle, and cousin; truly some of the most wonderful people I've met. They are creative and articulate and open and warm and generous and so much of what I want to be. They are magnetic. I could have spent so many more days absorbing them.

Families came to cheer them on, and I had the greatest time waiting with Susan and Jimmie. There's something about a marathon that's so very inspirational. I mean, I know that's a ridiculously obvious statement to make; but when you see the thousands of people wincing their way past to finish the last .2 miles, and you're encouraging them on, you can't help but think of how much depth of meaning this experience has for them, and how odd and humbling it is to be a miscellaneous part of it.

The race was good, but discouraging on many levels for the runners. From changed routes to poor fuel, it just wasn't as supportive or friendly as San Francisco. Mark finished in the same time (4.12 I think) and Kit and Joey stuck it out together and finished at 4.55. Once Mark finished he ran back up the race and met the other two, so that they could all run in together, which was wonderful and tear-jerky for the rest of us. But we were so proud.

They're so awesome. And sore.

For the rest of the pictures from the race, go here. I'm not planning on 26.2 anytime soon, but the 13 in San Jose might not be too bad...

oh for indiana

2008-01-23T23:57:00.000-08:00

this is one of my favorite things from this summer. i was singing it tonight. wanted to share. miss you mo and nate.

briefly

2008-01-23T22:14:00.000-08:00

I know it's been a while since I've posted. Traveling to San Diego for the marathon was so much more exhausting than I thought it would be, even though I did absolutely nothing; it seems the medication is affecting me quite strongly. But it's all good. I'll be posting loads of pictures from the race and all sorts of other recent and fabulous things soon. I just wanted to let you all know that you haven't been forgotten. The blogging seems to really have stuck with me this time...

Anyway, I just developed my first roll of Holga pictures. They weren't quite as exciting as I may have hoped, but I greatly enjoyed a few. The one above is my most favorite. It's a dear, cozy spot on our porch that just calls out for a sit with a book and a cup of tea. It looks a bit lonesome in the shot above, but it seems like the whole roll is a bit that way. Anyway, there will be a legitimate update soon, my friends.

Heart!

found

2008-01-15T20:56:00.000-08:00

While touring a brewery with my dear family over Christmas break, I found myself leaning against a wall, distracted by the "Hazardous Condition Complaint Board." The two pics in this post are my favorites from that day. I can just imagine these wonderful, burly, testosterone-y men carefully scrawling out their warning and suggestions for the safety of the team. For reasons unknown, it cracks me up every time.

Needless to say, I am mildly addicted to the miscellaneous world of other people's secret lives. I think many of us are. As individuals I believe that we are incredibly more poingnant, humorous, and horrifying than we will ever give ourselves or one another enough credit for. Unless we are having a "crack open the ol' junior high journal" party (which I think would be fabulous when coupled with a variety of pop+rum concoctions), we don't usually get a chance to peek in at the everyday secrets and struggles of each others' lives.

Which is why I adore the internet for the two following things: found magazine and post secret. Found Magazine is an actual magazine (I received the latest one from Trinity for Christmas!) that is published... when they get around to it... People send in random notes, lists, pictures, etc. that they find about, and they get posted on the website each day. Fabulous. Post Secret is "an ongoing community art project where people mail in their secrets anonymously on one side of a homemade postcard." It's incredible to see the outpouring of pain and hope and hilarity that people of all ages create and share. Please keep in mind that neither of these sites are censored, and occasionally feature pieces that are explicit and inappropriate for children.

There is something so sweet and sincere and beautiful to me about what is often seen as the mundane details of our days. These art pieces are pictures of honesty and vulnerability brought forth from our very lives. It endears me to them. Plus, it's good to know that somedays I'm not the only one who feels like this:

the end to a very fuzzy week

2008-01-12T15:41:00.000-08:00

Apparently not eating and sedatives have a rather strong effect on me. The middle of the week has faded into a fuzzy haze, so I'm trying to get my life back to it's regularly scheduled programming.

We finally went grocery shopping last night, which is one of my most favorite cheap dates evah. We had been living off of Top Ramen and leftover Christmas Tamales for far too long. Joey's been having basketball finals all week as well, so we've done a lot of catching up on our netflix and avoiding post-travel laundry as I come back down to earth.

I'm finally able to post about one of the projects I was working on for Christmas this year. I learned how to embroider when I was younger, and I loved it. However, it's been YEARS since I've even thought about it. Wanting to have something handmade with a few of my gifts this year, I decided to see if I could remember any of the old stitches. It was so fun to free hand a few of these dishtowels and I was pretty happy with how they turned out. Here's one:

I want to do quite a bit more, and I found this great blog that has some easy-to-follow tutorials for different stitches. Too bad I found it after I'd already finished the bulk of the work. I'm excited to reference it as I start more projects, though.

Some of my favorite things from this week:

We have a bajillion downed branches and limbs (25+ feet long!) from the storm all about the yard. I've been making piles while I talk on the phone for days now.

The post-storm light is beautiful.

Joey brought me a miniature calla lily plant since I made it through the "procedure" okay. It is lovely and lives next to my ancient typewriter in the kitchen.

That's all for tonight friends! Hope your weekend is spectacular!

colonscopy, schmolonoscopy!

2008-01-10T00:43:00.003-08:00

I had my first of many colonoscopies today. Yes, that is a many. You may be surprised to learn, especially after my last post, that I am so very okay with this. A few reasons why:

1. I have the most fabulous doctor who not only let me watch on a very awesome flat screen TV, but answered my random questions DURING the procedure. Even though I don't remember what I asked because I was a bit drugged.

2. They already know what's wrong with me. Ulcerative Colitis. The Proctosigmoiditis kind.

3. They gave me a ton of great info on it and my treatment.

4. The treatment is for the rest of my life as it is a genetic, non-curable, chronic condition. It includes meds on and off and regular (every 3-5 years) colonoscopies for monitoring.

5. Bad stuff: Hugely increased risk of colon cancer. Escalation of disease. Fertility issues. Etc.

6. Good stuff: Very treatable. Very manageable. Caught now. Before it got really bad. Fabulous doctor.

Prep was icky. I had to take these pills that made me throw up more violently than I ever had before. Awful. And the liquid really really really cleans you out. No question. Blech. I was pretty loopy all day from the no-food, but other than that I spent my day chilling on the couch and dashing to the bathroom every 15 minutes. No exaggeration.

The hospital was so nice, as were the nurses (I got the "you're HOW old?! and married HOW long?!" bug-eyed looks a few times). I freaked Joey out by reminding him to pull the plug if something went horribly wrong. He hates it when I do that.

Drugs were great. I was awake the entire time and babbled about math patterns during observation. I don't know why. Ah, well. What can you do about being a nerd? I think I'm just as bad on drugs as I am without food, seeing that I could barely hold a simple conversation at a birthday party last night. My brain had literally hurled itself off of a cliff. Poor Gator.

I ended my fast with ramen and a chocolate. so comforting and delicious. mmmmmm.

Sooooooooooo... thank you all who listened to me freak out and prayed and were so encouraging. I have the greatest friends-family-community. I'm going to bed because my brain is still a little drugged and having a horrendous time spelling.

lovelovelove.

h.

an afternoon colonsocopy for two

2008-01-09T09:02:00.000-08:00

Actually, it's just for one. Me. Not 50 years old me. Now me; just nearly 25 me. Due to some... ahem... issues I've been having for, oh, 5 years now, I get to have my first Colonoscopy today. Contrary to popular belief I DID talk to a nurse a few years ago about it and she said, "No big deal, it's probably just stress/change in diet/etc." But now that Joey and I have fabulous insurance my new doctor said, "Yeah. That's not normal. I'm sending you in." Bah for a commitment to full disclosure. Sort of.

The lemon-lime flavor does not make it better. Just a heads up to the ol' Halflytely folks.

It sounds like an afternoon tea. Or ladies luncheon. If only I were so lucky.

Welcome to the new world of Gastroenternology. Hopefully I won't have to dwell here too long.

i heart my allen clan

2008-01-07T13:11:00.000-08:00

I adore my in-laws so very much. They are warm and generous and kind and love their boys+wives so very much. We rarely get to be all together, so our early Christmas was lovely and exhausting this year. I drove down to the desert and back within a 48 hour period. Ca-razy! But so worth it. I was able to spend oodles of time with my very wonderful nephew-number-one, Layton. He is sweet and adorable and snuggley and my brother and sister in-law are excellent parents. I took manymanymany pictures, hoping to get some great ones to send the new little family. Unfortunately one of the most frustrating tragedies happended as I downloaded them. My computer decided to EAT around 250 pictures. 250 PICTURES!! Bah. The really irritating thing is that they're partway there... I can see them as I scroll, but as soon as I stop they disappear. Tragic. Here are some of my rescued ones though. Enjoy!

happy new

2008-01-06T17:06:00.001-08:00

We are home. For the first time this year. It was kind of cool as we were flying into San Jose to think about how we haven't been in California yet this year. It gave the arrival a much more weighted feel, set it apart from the eight hundred other trips we took this year, and brought forth some much needed, albeit cheesey, introspection.

We returned to what is being referenced as "the worst storm since 1982" in our area. A little bit bah and a big bit exciting. As we listened to voicemails post-debarkation and waded through parking lot rivers to get to our car, we were encouraged to hear friends letting us know we had no power but that many beds were available to us. Far too tired to be sociable, we decided to head home with the help of our Christmas Garmin, and pray that all the roads would be open, which they were. We ended up having a lovely, quietly adventurous evening of candle-hunting, jet-boiled ramen, and Indiana Jones in front of the fire. How I love laptops and Christmas chocolate.

Obviously the power is back, which is fabulous. We took advantage of this great development and watched "The Simpson's Movie" (funnier than I thought it would be), and made a yummy stone soup with the favorite Kit for lunch. I'm off to shower for church. Hope you're able to enjoy the last night of vacation!

p.s. I'm having picture-uploading issues right now, so there'll be more later.

Hope to you all!