Today Siah and I were sitting at the table while he enjoyed peanut butter and jelly as only kids can, reading a stack of books. He received this book for Christmas from my in-laws and I LOVE IT, especially since it is filled with brown people and non-anglo Jesus and the heart of God. We were reading about how the Bible is a story that sometimes people think is about rules or heroes or a nation, but how it's really a story about God and in the middle is a baby and that baby grew up to be the biggest hero ever, and I asked Si if he remembered baby Jesus from when we talked about him at Christmas time.

He said, "Dep, momma, dep. Yeah-Yeah love baby Jesus." (Yep, momma, yep. Siah loves baby Jesus)

I got choked so up and said, "Yeah Siah, momma loves baby Jesus too. And baby Jesus loves Siah." To which his eyes widened, and he said, "DEP!"

I have a fear of brain-washing my children with religiosity, when really I just want them to know the whole, beautiful truth and self of God. We tell the stories, we go to church, we practice life as the church, we focus on truth and love and grace in our parenting and as a family. But I know that true relationship is deeply personal, and I want to respect our children's own stories with God as they explore that. Never to have this.

When my small boy, who is just learning what it is to love someone or something ("Yeah-Yeah love hi-ho momma. Yeah-Yeah love pitates. Yeah-Yeah love Buzz.") shared an unprompted open heart about Him who I love most of all; I can't even explain. In that moment I understood what the difference was between the brain-washing and the genuine spirit. And I was humbled and overwhelmed and overjoyed and trying not to cry so that he would finish his apples while we read more stories. Language has enabled me to share this greatest love and hope and truth with him in a way that I never had been able to before.

A friend of mine reminds me that the kingdom of God comes through babies. Although I am not often able to unpack the whole of what that entails, today I was able to taste a wide and delicious slice of it. In a season of my life that has taken over my mind and soul, I very much needed to experience the washing over of the promise and spirit of God as He holds my family so much more expertly than I.

best nona

favorite, favorite, favorite.

I am looking forward to many more days of this in my life.

ewoks are the best woks

It's no secret that I come from a wide line of Star Wars-loving, sci-fi geeks. My torch does not burn nearly as brightly as others in my family, but; BUT, I took my long-standing desire to have my very own ewok out on my son for his second ever halloween. Probably the easiest costume I've ever made, and definitely my most favorite.

Leftover fur and curtains from when Joe was a jedi. Measured from overalls and a hoodie.

We took him downtown.

People were pretty stoked. Especially the guys.

But how could you not love this face?

So much fun.

Also, today's favorite creations from the internets. People are amazing.

bookends

We have these friends, you see, and I love them very much. We live in our house on purpose, as it fits snugly between the bookends of the most non-family family that we have. In all honesty, I am terrible at making friends. Not terrible at being friendly, which confuses most people. I am quite friendly. I was a church wife. It is a prerequisite. I can turn "on" and be engaging and charming and lovely and it is most often exhausting. Social settings that include more than 3 people generally make me hyperventilate and rehearse conversational topics in my head.

Anyway. Terrible. I am terrible at growing friendships; at taking the acquaintances to the next, knowing level. The friendships that I have have existed for many, many years. The ones I am trying to grow are slow. I like to believe that because of this weakness, there is a rooty richness to those which are present. Yes.

A few months ago one of our bookends burned down. It was horrible and tragic and terrifying and sad. And even though it is only a year that they are not right there, I have deeply missed the casualty of the every day ease of our friendship. It is hard enough to have pieces of them across the ocean for most of the year, but to have even our same-street ones far down at the beach is a slow, quiet drain on my heart.

Luckily, this isn't as depressing of a post as it has made itself out to be.

Last night we started the year the week the season with my most favorite and missed neighborhood ritual: Sunday Wine Nights. This one involved a minor trek to the temporary ocean-front beach house, but it was most worth it. There is beauty and security and peace found sitting amongst my most favorite grownups, sharing bottles of wine, and talking about family and life and Jesus while taking in winter sunsets. The way our year was starting, with the plague and messiness, I was disheartened. I needed last night. I needed the grounding warmth of those guys, the night of listening and talking and time, in order to walk into this year well. The bookends have expanded a bit for now, but roots of those relationships are growing deeper and farther into my earth. For this I am thankful. For them I am thankful.

I am not one for goals. Not being a linear thinker, it has always been hard for me to track progress and find success in the steps. Also, I seem to find too much guilt in process, so I tend to avoid them altogether. But it's the new year. And I have a tiny son and family who'd like to know him and time and energy (hah) to explore wonderful and fascinating things. So here's to starting it well.

- blog 3-4 times per week (re: tiny son and fabulous items of fancy)
- walking with the tiny son (and whomever else would like to join us) 3 times each week
- drawing more. watercoloring illustrations. general and intentional creation. perhaps once a week to start?
- house is clean more often than not
- fresh bread every few weeks
- intentionally pursuing mom and non-mom relationships
- visit the library 1-2 times per month
- complete the following books this year:
- Christ Plays in Ten Thousand Places
- Jesus Before Christianity
- Infinite Jest
(and fill in the blanks with the oodles of new fiction/etc. I've unintentionally accumulated in the last few months; i.e. Christy, The Hiding Place, Naked, Dress Your Family in Corduroy and Denim, miscellany Discworld, Teacher Man, Roverandom, Til We Have Faces, The Time Traveler's Wife.... you get the picture)
- make it to church more often than not
- be creative and financially efficient with meals
- wine nights with neighbors
- communicating more regularly with the girls and family
- creative and cheap date nights

That's all I have. My brain is being overtaken by my nauseous and slowly recovering self, as the family decided to kick off the year with the most horrific stomach flu I've ever seen. Seriously. Lost five pounds in one night. Great beginning for the post-baby body plan. Hah.

Also, thanks to my ridiculously awesome photographer brother, Michael Chiaravalle, for the lovely family photo.

still pregnant

I am still pregnant and alive. my camera broke and that severely limits my visual blogging abilities. plus i am a non-communicative nerd. i apologize. (deep bow)

so for the speedy update, we're doing GREAT!!! apparently pregnancy is the one health-related thing that my body has decided to do well. which is ridiculously awesome. all of my blood work looks like that of a normal, healthy person! woo-hoo! hopefully it will last.

he moves quite a lot. it's beginning to slow down, now that he's running out of space, but often it feels like he has his own little yoga studio in my belly. apparently he enjoys listening to joey play music and kicking me in the bladder. also the beatles.

the doctor is happy with all sides of he and i; she said we could gain as much weight as we wanted to now. ha. i've never eaten so much in my life. joey is becoming quite the cook, and i've never loved cheerios so much. the acid reflux had gotten so bad that my esophagus was burned (literally!), but zantac is a miracle drug and has changed my life. it's nice to be able to breathe and sleep at the same time.

sorry it's so brief, sorry for the long wait, but i'm back and off to bed. trying to save up sleep for when it comes no more.

and now we're on display

Hello 2009! We're back from the cold north, which wasn't too bad, actually. It was fabulous to visit mi familia, even though most of them were/ended up with the Flu of Death. Seriously, Laura puked 12 times, Bill passed out twice, Wil and Kristen had to spend the day in airplane/airport bathrooms, Claire had to spend the day in bed, and Joey had to take a day off from work (which NEVER happens). Yeep! I had the "nastiness" with none of the puking, luckily. Other than the last weekend, it was a lovely, quiet Christmas. Surprise visit from my dad (the first time in our ENTIRE marriage of 5.5 years) and Joey actually vacationed while on vacation. Many movies and chocolates and good times with old friends. Nice.

Due to much peer pressure and "be a normal preggo girl" guilt, I'm going to try and take pictures of my growing belly. Body image issues be gone! Or at least be vanquished to the closet for a little bit! Actually, as I was trying to take a relatively flattering picture of my least-confident part of myself, I found myself excited about this preggo body for the first time ever. Really. So far I've just felt bloated and awkward, but it's beginning -- just beginning -- to look like there might be a 4 inch nugget rolling around in there, pushing my intestines and lumpiness out for all to see. Which is fun. Really. We're having a good time, this nugget and joey and me. Also, Christmas Bella Bands help a LOT.

So here is me and the Great Unborn. Doing well. Tooling around. Tolerating each other's space pretty well.

of mums and days that start with s

My mum is one of the most remarkable people I know. I flew up to Oregon a few weekends ago to surprise her and to get some much needed face time. There are few people in my world that I can have conversations free of qualifiers with, and she is one of them. She is honest and real and raw and so very beautiful. I have always know that we belong to one another, in that very unique young mother and daughter way; and it is her that I will always call first with my wonderful terrible world-changing news. Obviously I adore her.

Part of why I haven't been posting lately is because I cannot seem to find the charger for my camera. Which means no pictures. Which is quite crippling for a visualist such as myself. Bah is what I say to this.

Important things which have been going on:

Girls Weekend '06: Favorite people, good wine, wonderful food, rich conversation. God is faithful and brings much hope. We are messy and beautiful. I will continue to burn at the beach because I am a white-assed americana. These are all good things. I created are invitations for this year's weekend as you can see here:



Yuba: Went to see Chafer and Roxanne and our favorite un-niece and nephew. There is something so wonderful and peaceful about being with people who know you quite well and are just, well, EASY. Settlers of Cattan and dark beer with pretzels and chocolate chips are soothing on so many levels. Even when the childcare ladies at Ikea are a less than comforting.

Memorial Day: The backyard is now freaking AWESOME. Seriously. You should be sad that you weren't over for the meaty barbecue and strawberry shortcake celebration that took place after a day of hard labor. I wish my camera had a magic battery so that I could share. Don't worry, pictures will come. Along with the s-l-o-w-l-e-y growing grass.

Now I am going to sleep. Because I have way to much laundry to fold to finish my clean house project. Hope you had a lovely long weekend!

hello there

SO it has been an absurdly long time since I've posted, and I haven't any sort of really legitimate reason why I've been absent from the 'ol blogosphere. It's been a rough sort of month for a variety of reasons, mostly having to do with an old, blue moldyness that wrestles with my heart. But it's all good. Here is a story of the last few weeks:

Joey turned 28, which is a very grownup age to become. We celebrated his actual birthDAY with a quiet dinner at BJ's. He was actually much happier than he looks in this particular picture.


I cook things in the kitchen and end up using half a lemon. All the time. But my lemony things are spaced far enough apart to render the unused half useless. Sort of. So I started cleaning my cutting boards with a lemony swipe after using them for a garlic or onion-ey sort of purpose. It helps.


We go to RAW, which stands for Real Authentic Worship, each Sunday night at 7 pm. It is quite and small and Joey leads music and sometimes I read a passage or poetry and we spend a purposed hour with Jesus, which is nice.


I've been sharing a lot of Pablo Neruda lately with the RAW folks. Joey gave me the Captain's Verses when we were first dating and I've loved him ever since (Pablo and Joey).


Bill turned 50. My mum had an amazing surprise party for him, full of good wine, incredible food, and really special encouragement and honoring. Seriously incredible.


Her cooking instructor/friend/folks they're going to Italy with catered and made the most delicious meal. Authentic, rustic Tuscan. Oy. The gnocci were deep and earthy and full of imported porccini mushrooms... and the cave cheese... heavenly.


My mum and I had a fabulous time together (with the greatest aunt and the husbands). I didn't realize how much I needed just to be with her (and all of them). She is amazing and beautiful and I love her quite a lot more than she even thinks possible.


Joey got a special brew from the Deschutes Brewery for our pubby birthday bash (celebrating he + mark + myself) that is deep and heavy and amazing. I forgot to take pictures at our party (ridiculous, I know), so this is the stand in.


You are nearly up to date on our world. And I need to go to bed. So. Back in the saddle I am. To bad I was never an overly "horsey" sort of girl. Ah well. The fun stuff will be coming soon. For now, it's g'night.

i heart my allen clan

I adore my in-laws so very much. They are warm and generous and kind and love their boys+wives so very much. We rarely get to be all together, so our early Christmas was lovely and exhausting this year. I drove down to the desert and back within a 48 hour period. Ca-razy! But so worth it. I was able to spend oodles of time with my very wonderful nephew-number-one, Layton. He is sweet and adorable and snuggley and my brother and sister in-law are excellent parents. I took manymanymany pictures, hoping to get some great ones to send the new little family. Unfortunately one of the most frustrating tragedies happended as I downloaded them. My computer decided to EAT around 250 pictures. 250 PICTURES!! Bah. The really irritating thing is that they're partway there... I can see them as I scroll, but as soon as I stop they disappear. Tragic. Here are some of my rescued ones though. Enjoy!